Life in the firing line.

Published on June 15, 2004 By Phoenixboi In Blogging

Ive been blogging like mad over the past few days. This has been due to the amazing post by MadPoet about Ryan White and Reagan. It's been really interesting to read what people have been writing and also heart breaking.

Heart breaking because there is still a dramatic amount of stigmatism around this whole disease.

Did you know that I cannot enter the UNited States because of my status? Because of my status I cannot get health insurance. Because of my status I am denyed relationships with people because of their lack of education, they are scared of me. Imagine being treated like a leper.

Imagine. When I go for my blood tests the nurse puts on gloves, a face mask, goggles and a gown. Im an infectious body walking around.

Imagine being with a lover and all the while when making love it is in the back of my mind am I going to infect this person? Imagine for a moment how that feels.

Imagine that the relationships I have had in my adult life the people dont feel secure because they cannot see a future life with me because they fear this disease will eventually take me away from them.

Imagine not knowing if the cough you have one day will turn into the pneumonia the next.

Imagine thinking everyday that you life is a walking timebomb??

Imagine life on the firing line??

Comments (Page 2)

MadPoet41

on Jun 15, 2004

I was talking about the one I'd made earlier - I'd asked questions, offered opions - but I think I was just ignored

Trina~actually, I still have several comments on that Ryan White thread I have not had the time to answer yet (do you understand how overwhelming it is to receive THAT many comments in less than a day?),including the one that you just mentioned you left for me there. I did not mean to ignore it at all. In fact, I actually thought you made some very good points. And I DO intend to leave you a comment in return.

I am sorry if you think I ignored you on purpose. It really wasn't that at all. I can tell that you are an intelligent and thoughtful person, so why would I want to ignore you? That's why I'm not ignoring you now~in fact. Because I sense that many of the things you say ARE valid and worthy. But the LittleWhip thing is a bit too much. Period. So let us stop all this bickering, and try to understand each other a little, huh? I will take another peek at your comment on the Ryan White thread, and leave you a comment in return. I promise. And I am very sorry about the misunderstanding.

~MadPoet

trina_p

on Jun 15, 2004

I give up - but before I do -- I was being open in my condescention - there was no sweetness it was all said how it was meant to be -- nothing veiled.

Phoenixboi

on Jun 15, 2004

Hey Copper Clark

Thanks again for reading and for your comments. It's comments like yours that help me to keep writing.

I understand where your coming from. I dont know how I would be if I didnt have this virus and not know anyone with it etc. See I guess because most of my adult life I have lived with it, and most of my sexual life it has been there so it has been aprt and parcel of the whole experience for me.

So I understand peoples fear. fear of the unknown is always a big one. Fear that I might die soon so there isnt any point in getting close, or fear of infection so a few dont venture there. I understand it. Because I fear it too. Just my foot is in the other shoe.

Whenever I tell someone I am positive, my main concern is how it is going to affect them, how that news is going to make them feel. Ive always been like this. Because it usually stirs up alot of emotions.

Yeah I cant enter the USA ..but I dont really want to. Ive been there and Ive experienced Americans. IM not even going to go there with this thread. But alot of the behaviour displayed on these blogs just proves my point. Im sorry if your American i dont mean to offend you. I can tell you have a much more mature heart.

Im also sick of the bickering and the fighting thats been going on. But Copper, Im here to stir the pot. To make people think, and to reveal like a mirror what makes people really tick inside. In the end they are faced with their own bitterness and hateful morality. Like a snake spitting out venum. Its all very interesting to me. Im not the only one watching.

Keep reading keep commenting its much appreciated!

Phoenixboi

on Jun 15, 2004

I'm sorry, but i see nothing unkind about suggesting that someone who is HIV positive forgo ALL sexually risky behavior, regardless of how "educated" his partner might be about the risks. Someone can agree to risk their life to have sex with you, but that doesnt relieve YOU of taking responsibility for your own actions, and how are you going to feel if that loved one then subsequently becomes infected? Are you gonna say...."hey, im sorry ive doomed you to die a slow, horrible death, but its not my fault, you knew the risks?"Anyone who would put anothers life at risk to get their rocks off is beneath contempt in my book, and anyone who would risk their own for the same reasons should have their head examined

So what about the responsibility of the other person after they have been informed and consented?

Have you ever heard of the word LOVE? And do you know what it means?

or does having sex for you little whip only mean "getting your rocks off"??

MadPoet41

on Jun 15, 2004

Have you ever heard of the word LOVE? And do you know what it means?

Phoenixboi~the answer to both of those questions is NO~Big time! . Hey, just let her continue to stick her reactionary little foot in her mouth~like she has just done. Again, I am sorry you had to be subjected to such grossly insensitive people like her. But try to learn to laugh a little bit at it, huh? I mean, she really does give a bad name to many of the good and kind conservatives that are out there~I actually know quite a few! They really do exist. But she is sorta like THE MOST tragic reactionary I have ever had the misfortune of being subjected to. And she loves to push buttons. Big time. That's her main game. So just laugh your ass off when she pays you a "friendly" visit, and let it go at that. I mean, that's what I always do now when she turns up on my blog with her so-called comedy routine! . But she is laughable, huh? I mean, I could almost like this woman~as far as her ability to make reactionaries look like a bunch of Archie Bunker clones or something. . SO STAY STRONG FOR THE ONES THAT DO APPRECIATE YOU HERE! AND LEARN TO IGNORE THE FEW THAT ARE SO OBNOXIOUS AND RUDE! TOTALLY COOL ARTICLE DUDE! KEEP ON BLOGGING BIG TIME!

~MadPoet

Phoenixboi

on Jun 15, 2004

Dont you get it, SEX with AIDS infected people spreads the disease! Knock it off, already.

I have not to date infected any of the partners that I have been with. I know this for fact.

Because of the attitude of people such as yourself, that is why HIV has the stigma it has.

Thankyou for creating a much better world. Thankyou for being who you are. May the energy that surrounds you shine back on you like a mirror. Above you below you and to every side of you. May you be contained in your own energy, so that you may be a shining example for others to see.

Enjoy. And please dont post your comments here again.

MadPoet41

on Jun 15, 2004

Seems to me that your insistence on engaging in such behavior shows me how you define "love" it must be accompanied by fluid exchange? Is your orgasm that important?

LittleWhip~another classic! . Would you please carry on like this on my own blog now? Pretty please? I mean, I am actually starting to have a whole new appreciation of your comic genius! . This IS just some kind of ridiculous act, huh? Oh, please tell me it is! It's just TOO priceless! . Forgive her PhoenixBoi. She know not.

~MadPoet

P.S. "Knock it off, already." .

MadPoet41

on Jun 16, 2004

PhoenixBoi~I hope you are not too hurt by this? I mean, I already told you what she is capable of, huh? . I just hope you're not gonna let her drive you away from JU! We need more folks like you here. And it really doesn't get much worse than this~if that is any consolation to you. Please stay. Help us to grow. We need your compassion and insight here so much. And know that several JU folks here like and respect (and even love) you.

~MadPoet

P.S. At least she didn't call us an a$$hole this time! .

Phoenixboi

on Jun 16, 2004

Hmm well its getting heated in here.

I dont know if little whip is still reading this but Im not too worried

To answer her question, now that she has told me that it is because of my actions that HIV is spread.. well I have made a conscious decision that I will only have sex with people who are positive. Because I understand the emotional rollercoaster that goes on, and I dont want to put people through what I have gone through.

My points before was that for people who havent made that decision, well it takes 2 to tango, and I believe if you are informed and have consented then the responsibility is with both partners. Not just one. I mean if I was to think like little whip then I would be thinking..well maybe the other person has a cold or the flui or herpes and that could put my life in danger as my immune system is compromised. Did she think of that? No I dont think so. It would be my fault and the responsibility would lay solely with me. Fortunately I see that having sex is more than just getting my rocks off. If I wated to get my rocks off I would have a wank.

Thanks for your encouragement MadPoet. You keep Blogging too. It takes more than people like little whip to make me disappear.

Cheers!

MadPoet41

on Jun 16, 2004

Thanks for your encouragement MadPoet. You keep Blogging too. It takes more than people like little whip to make me disappear.

PB~that's the BEST news I've heard for several days now! It would get rather lonely around here without you~I always learn so much from you and your smart articles, etc. SO STICK AROUND BIG TIME!

~MadPoet

P.S. What is the time difference between us like? It is now around 5am here (USA~Pacific Northwest). I'm gonna try and send you an email now! Send me a quick reply~so I won't be so darned worried about you, huh?. And have a really awesome day mate! Cheers!

Phoenixboi

on Jun 16, 2004

Its 1035pm here Wed night. Australian eastern standard time
I look foreward to your email MadPoet.

Cheers!

a radical

on Jun 16, 2004

haha this is a funny thread, and some ppl thought i was rude, just look t madpoet and little whip duke it out in a thread that belongs to someone else. you guys should meet and fight each other, i would PAY to see that!

and the answer to how i feel. i can feel ur pain cuz a motivational speaker came to one of our classes in high school, talking about AIDS/HIV and sexually transmitted diseases (AIDS is not only one you know, there is gonorrehea, herpes, genital warts, yes that is true) and talking about his own life. why dont u be a motivational speaker and talk at middle and high schools phoenixboi?

Phoenixboi

on Jun 16, 2004

Hey radical thanks for replying.

I have been a motivational speaker in my local community for the last 10 years. I have also lectured at the university about my personal experiences to interns and welfare students. It all helps to bring it home and to be more real for people.

Yeah i know about the many STIs... its now called Sexually Transmitted Infections.

Thanks again for your comments and I hope the bickering doesnt put you off.

Cheers!

Dune

on Jun 16, 2004

Hi pheonixboi! My God! It seemes like years ago that i read your article after scrolling through all of that - what was the topic again? it was quite funny though, but only cause it was so ridiculous.

Anyway, don't stop writing, there's loads of people who aren't going to attack you... you've got an important story and you should tell us all about it. It will be enlightening to see how folk react/think about AIDs and what it really means.

I have no experience of it - apart rom my bestfriends routine blood tests which depress the hell out of him (he's gay and so, therefore, high risk I guess). Oh, that and waking up in a cold sweat a couple of times and remembering times in the past when I was less than careful! But apart from being a little paranoid worry wart from time to time I don't have a clue about it at all.

Phoenixboi

on Jun 16, 2004

Hi there Dune!

Thanks for stopping by! I hope you have a chance to look at my previous blogs, and I hope it helps you to understand all this a bit better.

Im not going to stop writing when I know there are people out there like you who are actually getting something out of it.

Thanks again!

Cheers!

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