Are you a part of my family?

Published on June 7, 2005 By Phoenixboi In Blogging

In a recent conversation about family and gay people "sticking it in" for the sake of it and degrading the "family" unit in society, I started thinking about my own family.

I have 2 sisters, both older than me, one with two children and the other with none (although she considers her dog her child).. but anyway.. Today my parents celebrate their 42nd wedding anniversary. Without them I wouldnt be here today (well not in this family and part of the world), so with that I can tell you that I have in my "family" 7 members in my immediate family, with 16 uncles and aunties who have had children and some of their children have had children. Id honestly say if all my "family" were to get together the hall would have to be a damn big one.

This "family" is all based on biology.

Do I see all the members of my "family"? No, Do I know all the members of my "family"? No.

Then it got me thinking, who for me, is my family?

The term family for me is much more than biology. It is more about people who care enough for you to be there when your down, people who are there for the happy times as well as the sad ones and who share their lives with you.

Im lucky in a huge way that the members of my immediate "family" those 7 people i mentioned above are part of what I can call my true family.

But there are others.

There are a couple of friends, I mean true friends that I would call my family. Without them I wouldnt have survived like I have. They arent conneced to be biologically, but for me they are my family.

Even people I have connected with here (they know who they are) I consider my family. Even though I have never physically met them, they have touched my heart in ways that those who are biologically connected to me have never.

How many "families" are out there that the parents couldnt give a shit about their children or visa versa? How many "families" out there can honestly say they love each other? Sure they are biologically connected but do they know each other really?

So for those who say that Gay people are distroying the family unit. I say take a look again. It's not all about "sticking it in" it about much more than that. Being Gay may not be able to breed and make a biological family unit, but the bonds and genuine heartfelt soul connections that are formed sometimes far outwhey the rest.

Comments

Phoenixboi

on Jun 07, 2005

im off to a family lunch now.. should be fun!

Moderateman

on Jun 07, 2005

I have found that MY FRIENDS, the people I choose to have in my life are my real familty, while I love the one remaining member of my blood family {brother} I am much closer to those people that have prooven over time when the shit hits the fan, they are there for me and I for them, always.

Phoenixboi

on Jun 07, 2005

I have found that MY FRIENDS, the people I choose to have in my life are my real familty

Insightful Moderateman!

But becareful according to some your degrading the "family" unit.

dharmagrl

on Jun 07, 2005

I dunno, AM i a part of your family?

All this garbage about the 'family' being 'destroyed' but gays and homosexual untions 'devaluing the sanctity of marriage'...it's all relative, dude. You, as a gay man, don't devalue or destroy anything that I have....because I don't let what you do affect me. What you do, how you choose to live your life, had absolutely no bearing on how I choose to live mine. My marriage is a sacred union to me, and it always will be...nothing you do can change that. If we're going to talk about marriages being devalued and what they're devalued by, then we have plenty of other places to start...like sham marriages for the privilege of a 'green' card, loveless marriages because of children and pregnancies, marriages for financial gain....those are all more detrimental to the sanctity of marriage in general than 2 people of the same gender who really love each other getting hitched.

Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent there.....I'll step down from my soap box now!

So no, you don't destroy anything of mine. You do, however, provide my children with a role model. 'Uncle 'Cesco' who lives in Aus shows them that love comes in many shapes, sizes and colors, and that it takes courage to live life to the fullest sometimes.

dynamaso

on Jun 07, 2005

I consider myself lucky in that I have a wonderful relationship with all my family. I speak to my parents at least once a week and to my siblings regularly. But I know what you mean, Phoenix. While I love my family dearly, for the most part, my friends are the ones who are the least judgemental and the most encouraging. My immediate family, my wife, also happens to be my closest friend, so I've got the best of both in her.

Cheers,

Maso

Phoenixboi

on Jun 08, 2005

I dunno, AM i a part of your family?

Yeah YOU are.

Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent there.....I'll step down from my soap box now!

No its good that you show wha you mean here.. I fully understand and respect you for that.

You do, however, provide my children with a role model. 'Uncle 'Cesco' who lives in Aus shows them that love comes in many shapes, sizes and colors, and that it takes courage to live life to the fullest sometimes.

What a wonderful place this would be if everyone thought the same thing

I speak to my parents at least once a week and to my siblings regularly.

I speak to mine every day.. it's part of how we were brought up to be.

While I love my family dearly, for the most part, my friends are the ones who are the least judgemental and the most encouraging.

Im glad you know what I mean.

Phoenixboi

on Jun 08, 2005

I'm your evil twin.

are we identical twins?

bakerstreet

on Jun 08, 2005

I think homosexuality is much less to blame for destroying the 'family' than 2 month celebrity marriages and half-assed marriage couseling found in magazines. There's an overall 'loosening up' that has nothing to do with homosexuality; an idea that you have to put up with less and less.

That said, most people who are confronted with 'bathhouse' style gay promiscuity are turned way off, and impose the stereotype on all homosexuals. I don't believe that's true. When people like the blogger you mention start calling for society as a whole to reject traditional 'family', people like me do feel threatened, though.

Think of it in terms of a 'neighborhood association'. Someone who doesn't live in your neighborhood has no business storming in to a meeting and demanding changes. If, though, many people of different ideals are allowed in, they can over time change the way things are done. Once they share your rights, they have a voice in shaping them. You also suffer if the overall level of quality drops. One guy doesn't trim his yard, there's no need for measures. 40% do, and there'll be new rules.

I think that is what many people are afraid of. It's hard to appreciate how strictly regulated 'family' is. We are taxed according to it, we pay hundreds of dollars a month in insurance because of it, how we deal with our children is overseen by draconian threat from 'child protective services.'

Any new 'trend' effects us all. Spike in child abuse cases? Scrutiny increases on everyone. Change in the health costs of families? All people who pay insurance are effected. Higher standard of living among the average married couple? Count on calls for higher taxes on married couples.

Homosexuality has done absolutely nothing to water down 'marriage'; heterosexuals have done that themselves. Many people feel, though, that were it not for that 'watering down', gay marriage wouldn't have a chance to begin with. The idea is that we have so lowered the standard of what it means that now it even applies to the relationships of homosexuals, or even close friends of any sex.

I have concerns about gay marriage, I won't lie to you. I think many gay people have concerns with gay marriage as well. If marriage were just a private matter between two people, as it is portrayed by many, it wouldn't be an issue at all. If you take some time and really look how marriage and family effects your 'official' life, though, you'll find that gay marriage could have a lot of unforseen implications.

Family is family. I don't think a marriage license, or blood relation has anything to do with it. There are people I consider family that I am not the least bit related to, and others who are close kin that I have little to do with. Family is as family does. It's just sad that there has to be so much governmental oversight that requires standards.

Moderateman

on Jun 08, 2005

#3 by Phoenixboi
Tuesday, June 07, 2005

But becareful according to some your degrading the "family" unit.

Like I even care what a bunch of uptight geeks think.. I am fully capable of making my own decisions about what is right and wrong, and I refuse to follow some outdated narrow minded view about what family is or is not.

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