Im going to be 32 soon, well in a couple of months time.
I didn't think I would make it this far. You know when your a kid and you think about getting older and 20 sounds really old. Back then I didn't think I would make it past 26. It was always the year, 26 for some reason had to me that ring to it. Life would end at 26. So anything over 26 for me is a bonus. Now Im reaching 32 I look back and can understand why somehow my subconscious made the choice of 26.
From the age of 26 my whole life turned around. Well it was the time of my life I started questioning my existence and where I was going. It was for me the lazarus effect. I was once again given life and new directions needed to be taken. At 26 my relationship was breaking down, I was getting sick and started counselling. It was the beginning for me of what some people term "Saturn Return", the time when the planet Saturn comes back to the time of your birth in your astrological chart and dredges up everything lasting until the age of about 30 where things should have started to settle down.
What's the point of this blog? Well for some reason the past couple of days has shown me that I am maturing. Maturing at 32. Does that sound strange? My mind seems calmer at the moment and I want to settle down. I think I am ready once again to be with someone and spend my life with them growing and sharing together.
Does that mean I am out there looking? No im not really interested in looking. Ive done that and Im not impressed with what is out there at the moment. Im comfortable but long for some intimacy. Im over the meaningless sex thing. That has hit home the hardest at the moment. I can get the sex but what after? Hollowness, emptiness. It's the connection that I am seeking. Connection on levels other than for pleasure.
So like when I was a kid Im looking into the future. I dont see any age. It's kinda exciting because nothing is planned, nothing is in concrete and things could change at any moment. But with that I have a feeling of safety in the knowledge that I am being looked after, and am loved.