the unpredictability of HIV
The most predicatble thing with HIV is its unpredicatbility.
Just when things start to look good it smacks me in the face to say "Im still here"! I went for a CT scan yesterday of my brain (yeah I still have one) and some more blood work. It seems like this week has been a very strange one for this pozzie boi. I dont know how to explain it but my head has been all over the place, ive been emotional, anxious, freaked out, spaced out, reality shifting, unconscious.. Hmm so I went to my local GP who suggested I go home and take panadol, because it "takes the edge off things" and that in order for him to examine me to see if something was going on with my chest he needed to put gloves on because he had a cut on his hand..hmm was I hearing this right?? I can remember thinking when my head sorts out your gonna get a serve from me.
Anyhow I went to see my specialists and had a long chat to my counsellor who have run some tests and are going to see what comes of it. They were actually concerned for my safety which made me freak out a bit cause I was wondering even more if things were ok.
So today I went to work and totally freaked out inside but didnt show it (i dont think) cause without work there is no pay and no pay means its harder to live. So I stuck it out which I was really proud of myself for doing.
I have come to learn that with HIV things arent stable in life. There is always a change around the corner and just when I think that life is slowing down and things becoming a bit more stable then wham I get presented with some thing to bring me back to the reality that I am living with this virus and sometimes it demands attention.
What could be the outcome? Well it could mean that I have to change medication, which I am really reluctant to do considering this regime took a while to get used to and to get put on in the first place. Hmm well will just have to wait and see. In the meantime, I gotta relax and do some stuff thats gonna take my mind off it and make me happy, wish it was summer i would go for a swim in the ocean.
Anyone wanna come and give me a cuddle? I think i need one right now.