There is a syndrome named the "Lazarus Syndrome" and is attributed mainly to people with HIV or AIDS.
Im sure we are all familiar with the biblical character Lazarus who was brought back to life by Jesus. Well its named Lazarus syndrome cause it means you prepare for death only to realise that it isnt going to happen so you start to prepare to live again.
This has happened to me several times living with HIV. When I was first diagnosed my doctor had given me no longer than six to twelve months to live a healthy life and then it was supposed to be all down hill from there, certainly a ten year lifespan was the ultimate and if you made it past that then you were a lucky one. This news at the age of 18 wasnt what I really wanted to hear. So at that age normally people would be considering their future and getting into things that they considered long term.
But it really knocked me for a six. I prepared to die. It became part of my psychological makeup. This involved counselling and letting members of my family and friends know what was going on. Not an easy thing to do.
But since the implimentation of medication for people living with HIV this preperation to die hasnt been so imminent. Things are really progressing so well in the field of immune stimulation that people are living longer. Well its been 14 years for me and Im still here..but in that time I have been preparing for death and coming back again several times.
So stability in my life really hasnt been there. I get into a job and a few months down the track I might get ill and have to leave it and take care of my health. It means my resume is really getting filled with alot of different careers and keeping a job has been really hard. It doesnt look good to employers when you havent been in one position for longer than 6 or 8 months at a time.
Another part of the Lazarus Syndrome is seeing alot of people die in the beginning of this epidemic and you surviving. It's almost like you saying why did they have to die and why am I still here. With all this alot of people are on anti depressants to help to overcome this and alot of therapy as well. For me what Ive done is tried to think of it another way. Im still here cause there is more for me to do. Im still here cause there is alot more people I have to meet and alot more for me to experience. I also really try to look after myself as best as I can.
So Im still alive, ive been at deaths door a few times but I keep bouncing back. Im glad. I still wanna do alot more in this lifetime and there is a few places I want to go to. And I want this new job to last a lot longer than the last few. I wanna try and work my way up the ladder in this one.
Wish me luck!